How To Be Happier, Right Now

1. Log-out of Facebook. There’s nothing there that you couldn’t find some other way. Someone else’s happy day doesn’t invalidate your average run of the mill Tuesday. You don’t need to compete with your friends. Don’t just close the window, log-out. Delete the app. You’ll find you aren’t missing anything. Did you read the article about Facebook manipulating your news feed to see your emotional responses? (Article here) It’s not surprising in any way, and there is a way to not let it affect you. It’s called logging out. Or for bonus point, just delete it (full disclosure: I’m not at this point yet, but getting closer every day).

2. Look in the mirror and compliment yourself. Is your hair looking extra silky today? Is your skin clear? Maybe you have a beauty mark that distinguishes you from everyone else. Tell yourself you’re beautiful. Believe the words. If you want to change something? Change it. If you want pastel pink hair and you’re worried people will think you’re copying everyone else out there with pastel pink hair? Who cares? If it will make you ultimately happier and if makes you feel you, then you ought to do it. If you need makeup to feel beautiful, wear it. If you never wear makeup, flaunt it. This is your face, your body, and your life – embrace the person that you are today and you’ll be happier for it.

3. Leave some moments to yourself. It’s hard in this digital social sharing age to not just hop on Twitter or Facebook or even text a friend when something really good happens to you. When someone does something kind for you, or perhaps you do something kind for someone else. When someone makes you feel like the world revolves around you. It’s so tempting to just tell the world about this great moment. It feels like you are immortalizing it forever. But there is something about savoring that moment and holding it inside that feels better, trust me. No one is going to confuse you with someone who is trying to humble brag and that moment remains yours. That great first date. The free coffee you scored at Starbucks accidentally. The number on the scale doing down a couple digits. Life is wonderful and sometimes it’s better to just feel those feelings, rather than try to get others to feel them with you. This goes hand in hand with #1.

4. Make some goals! (But keep them to yourself: TED Talk about why) To me there is nothing better than checking something off a to-do list, and a goal is just a bigger version of that. Do you want to read 10 books before summers end? Do you want to do a couch to 5k? Do you want to learn how to play the ukulele? Save up money to go to Chile? It doesn’t matter. Personal goals. Professional goals. Whatever kind of goal you have – now is the time to make it a priority for you. Just think how good it will feel when you shut that 10th book or cross that finish line.

5. Make plans. Do you and your best friend have conflicting schedules? Is it hard to get together with the friend that pushes you to be better? Make time. Don’t just assume it can’t happen. Have breakfast before work. Grab a coffee in-between school and your yoga class. Have a late night drink and catch up for an hour or two. It might make you a bit tired the next day, but it will make your soul so much happier. Surrounding yourself with positive people will make you more positive, too. Their successes will make you want your own success. You’re friends for a reason and it shouldn’t be relegated to just sending funny memes on Facebook or text updates of your life. There’s something about hugging your good friend and being able to update them on your life or talk about your passions. It feels good to connect.

 

Here’s to happiness,

Andrea

January, where did you go?

I had plans to write posts, I really did. But it got to a point where I went long enough that what was another few days? January was a weird month. My hours at work got shortened a lot (thankfully I’m bumped up again AND have several strong leads for full-time employment), the weather went a bit crazy (snow on snow on freezing temps), and I started a “long-distance” (just a few hours) relationship. It wasn’t my favorite month, honestly. I’m glad to see it go and February is already on the up and up.

I think I’m an eternal optimist most the time. I have a hard time thinking things are going to go negatively long-term. I have a sunny disposition and tend to wake up happy more often than sad/grumpy. I’m affected mostly by the people around me or current circumstances. When I didn’t have work to focus on because I wasn’t getting hours, I’d spend my time obsessing on something else. I need balance to keep my optimistic outlook.

One other thing about January is I’m vowing to read more. A good friend of mine is aiming for 50 books in 2014, a perfectly reachable goal. I tend to fail when I try things like that, but in January I read 3 books and hope to keep at about that pace. Both of my recent reads were young adult novels about teen love. The first, The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. The movie looks better than the book (trailer here!). I tried to love the book. I tried to be one of the millions of people who cried my heart out reading it. But I couldn’t connect with the characters. The dialogue felt so unnatural (at times!), the metaphors pushed down my throat, and it just simply felt too forced. I enjoyed it, but it wouldn’t be something I’ll tout to others or re-read. I still hope to see the movie, but the book personally wasn’t my favorite. The other book, Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell, I enjoyed a lot more. I didn’t particularly care for the ending (I tweeted immediately after I finished “Is there anything worse than a disappointing end to a book?”), but I felt a lot more connected to the love story. I felt the vulnerability of the characters. But it did just kind of feel like it just abruptly ended. It felt rushed. Maybe I just need to think about it more.

Mini update over! Hopefully I’ll be a better blogger. No promises.

P.S. I really like Ingrid Michaelson’s new song:

New Years Resolutions? Goals for 2014

I’ve never been one to really get to into resolutions. I know myself pretty well and coming up with 15 things I want to change all at once is a recipe for failure for me. I like to really focus on one goal at a time or do small changes. That typically works for me. And 2013 has been a big year of change for me in general. With things like moving home, being single for the first time in over six years, and starting a new job I have been able to rediscover myself and have really been able to get back in touch with me, which has been great. It might sound a bit selfish, but really getting to know your personality and your wants and needs out of life is fulfilling down to your soul.

So, I’m continuing on that journey of getting back in touch with myself. But there are some things I’ve noticed myself doing that I do want to address, such as saying certain words. Words such as “like,” filler words that dumb down a sentence and are easy to use as a crutch.  I also tend to say “lol” mostly in text and e-communication. It’s one of those things that just became habit. Something I know if I focus on noticing, I can break.

Also, I apologize for a lot of things. I think in my past relationship there were things my ex didn’t care for and those things are still with me in the back of my mind and that part of me still feels like I need to apologize for them. Or I apologize for my feelings, something that I shouldn’t do. I do these things also without thinking, a defense mechanism if you will. I want to only apologize if it’s something that warrants an apology, not just apologizing for my personality or my quirks. I want to be comfortable in my own skin and not lessen myself to others.

So basically my only resolutions are to pay attention to my communication skills and to see what I am really saying and if it matches up with what I’m feeling and meaning. And I hope it just leads to a generally more positive outlook on life. I am usually quite positive and I hope to continue that trend.

As far as long-term goals for 2014, I do have a couple. Mostly to find a good job, something fulfilling and in my preferred job field. Also, to move out. Living with my mom is nice, but I need a place of my own. So less impulse spending and more saving are in order! Both of those are small steps at a time kind of goals, and I’ve already began moving towards being able to achieve them.

2014 is going to be a good year, I can feel it. I am going to work hard, play hard, and be positive. Nothing can stop me.

Things I love, December 2013

A well thought out outfit that looks as good on as it does in your mind.

Using a new makeup item for the first time.  Having the satisfying rip of the plastic or taking it out of its box and seeing it in its un-blemished state.

Goodnight kisses.

Being completely absorbed in a good book.

Writing. Being inspired. Getting words on the page.

Having only the lights of the Christmas tree lighting up the living room.

Making lists of ideas for presents for the people you care about.

Singing Christmas songs all day long.

Learning all the pieces/stories that make a person up.

The comforting seasons of your hometown: the cold winter air, the snow on the mountains off in the horizon, and the trees without their leaves.

Looking forward to another year full of promise and being excited for what’s yet to come. Feeling optimistic.

-Andrea

December Update

 

Long time, no update. I know. I tried writing a few posts but November was quite a busy month for me that nothing I was writing was interesting. I made a list of “favorites” on my iPhone so I could write a favorites post and this was the list:

• Welcome to Nightvale
• Candies work pants?
• The voice?

So as you can see, there wasn’t really much on my mind the month of November. I did listen to every episode of the podcast Welcome to Nightvale, which I highly highly recommend. I thought about doing a more in-depth review about it, but I think the less you know about it the more interesting of a listen it is. I listened to it pretty much every night before bed and it helped my insomnia tremendously. Something about the narrators voice just helped lull me to sleep. If you like weird things give the podcast a listen. You’ll know within a couple episodes if you are going to like it.

And the other two things on my list: My favorite work pants. Yawn. The Voice? My favorite is James Wolpert. He’s my hipster crush atm.

I worked quite a lot at my job in the month of November, including Black Friday. I thankfully had a day shift and wasn’t someone who had to be at work at 8 on Thanksgiving, but nonetheless it was crazy busy and by the end of it (a 10 hour shift!) I was pretty sore and tired of people. Thankfully I don’t have any horror stories, but I work in a department store and not a store like Wal-mart where it might get a bit more dicey. 

I have some Holiday gift guides I made back in late-October I should be sharing soon. Please accept this filler blog post as an apology for my absense!

 

(P.S. If you were wondering how nanowrimo went? I ultimately had to let the project go. I really wanted to make it work but I had rushed a story idea and it wasn’t going anywhere. I lacked the time to create a better idea and I felt like I was just putting too much pressure on myself to make something happen that wasn’t going to happen. Maybe next year. But probably not. I’m glad it works for some people, but banging out a rough draft of a book in a month is not really the kind of writer I am. I’m quality over quantity and would rather take my time with an idea.)

Break Up Survival Guide

I went through a pretty rough break up this year. It was a long relationship that had become very strained and then ran its course. The break up wasn’t completely unexpected, but was still painful. Break ups can be difficult. I would be lying if I said I didn’t google “How to survive a break up.” I even looked at that book It’s called a break-up because its broken. And well, they were decent resources, but I thought I would share what ultimately helped me get through it.

Reconnecting with old friends:

I moved back to my hometown as a result of my break up. I realized I had taken to isolating myself from my friends. I wasn’t talking about my feelings at all with anyone. I found that by talking about the break up with people (when you end a 6 year relationship, people inevitably have a few questions), it really helped me reflect on it and feel better about it ending. I found that my friends had similar experiences and  I wasn’t alone in my feelings. Plus, getting together and hanging out with old friends kept my mind off of what was going on and helped me reconnect with myself as an individual.

Refrain from contact…for a while:

Especially at the beginning of the break up, you’ll probably be tempted to check on what your ex is doing. Don’t give in. Don’t text. Hide them from your Facebook feed. Don’t go to their workplace. Whatever it takes for you to get some space from them, I would recommend doing it. I considered my ex my best friend so this was pretty hard for me, but it definitely helped me heal. Knowing he wasn’t going to pop up in my Facebook newsfeed oddly gave me peace of mind. You’ll know when it’s OK to talk to them again. Or maybe you’ll just let them out of your life completely. You’ll know what’s right for you and having the time away makes that decision even easier.

Write it out:

Keep a journal. Write poetry. Get it out. Find a personal space you can get out your feelings. I found it therapeutic to write what I was feeling no matter the emotion it was. Knowing no one would read it, you can get out any feelings you’re having. If I couldn’t sleep at night I would get my computer out and write what was in my mind keeping me awake. It made it a lot easier to fall asleep. Plus, looking back on what you were feeling can show you how far you’ve come. Seeing your progress that way is super encouraging.

And….a don’t: Don’t rebound:

It’s tempting to want to go out and find someone new to make you feel beautiful again. Being wanted is an entrancing feeling and I really get that, but I wouldn’t recommend a rebound. I would have felt worse afterwards if I’d hooked up with someone. It might work for you, but I know it would have ultimately made me miss my ex even more than I did.

Remember, It’s perfectly OK to:

• Take a day to yourself watching movies or TV or reading. It’s ok to sit in bed and just veg out on what makes you happy. Everyone heals at different speeds so don’t think you ought to have moved on just because it seems like your ex has moved on.
• Move on. If you do move on quickly? Don’t feel guilty about it. Sometimes you feel the relationship ran its course and you are OK with it. As long as you aren’t in denial of your feelings, it’s ok to heal at any speed.
• Feel like you’ve lost a piece of yourself: Relationships can be very fulfilling. It can feel like a piece of you is gone when the relationship is over. You can mourn the piece of you that you were with your ex. It’s normal to feel like your identity has changed a bit. You aren’t half of a couple anymore. It’s different. It’s strange. But it can be wonderful to start over.
• To make big changes: If you’ve been wanting to change something, change it. Cut your hair. Get a fab new outfit. Enroll in school. Apply for a new job. No matter what the change is, if your break up leaves you re-evaluating other parts of your life – it’s perfectly fine to change them! Don’t do them as “revenge,” do them for you. Don’t try to show off to your ex. Just be the best you that you can be, and sometimes that means taking a new step in your life. It will feel good knowing that out of a “bad” situation you made positive change in your life.
• Take your time getting back to dating, or not: If you feel ready to date again, do it. If you don’t feel ready? Don’t let anyone force you into it. Sometimes your friends are well intentioned and want you to be happy. If you aren’t ready, you aren’t ready. That way when you fine someone worth a relationship, you won’t have to let them out of your life because you aren’t over your ex.

 Bonus: If you have an animal to cuddle, now is a good time. Otherwise, google your favorite cute small animals and “awww” the pain away.

Of course, there are tons of other resources about this topic. Just know there is no one “cure” to make you feel better. Even if you’re the one who ended the relationship, you might still need time to yourself. You might take even longer than the other person even though you’re the one who decided to end it. As I stressed before, everyone is different. That rule that it takes a certain amount of time for you to be over a break up? It really doesn’t mean anything. You might get over your break up in a week or it might be a year. Your emotions aren’t the same as every other persons. So, take care of yourself. Allow yourself to feel. Don’t completely deny yourself the opportunity to reflect, because in the long run it will take even longer to be OK with the situation. Use the opportunity to get to know yourself as an individual. It sounds cheesy, but it’s nice to be by yourself sometimes.

Good luck on your life post break up! You’ll be just fine!! 🙂

October Update: NaNoWriMo and Employment!

So, kind of a boring post today, but just some updates on what’s been going on with me. I have a job, well seasonally. It’s retail, which is the area I’ve been working in lately so it’s not a surprise it was easy to find a retail job. It’s not ideal, but the good thing about retail is the days go by quickly (lots of customers) and the job itself is pretty easy, although it can be stressful. At my last job I learned to be really calm in the face of stress though, and learned to not take work problems home with me (no staying up all night thinking of mistakes). So here’s hoping I continue that here! The only work day I’ve had so far was just watching orientation videos (some of which are definitely from the 80’s) so…there’s that.

Also, I’m doing NaNoWriMo.

What’s NaNoWriMo? It’s National Novel Writing Month. Basically, it’s setting a goal of writing a 50,000 word novel in the month of November. So roughly 1,667 words a day. It’s basically writing without editing and going back and perfecting anything. Just getting the idea out there and then after November you can go back and edit, re-write, do whatever you want with the novel you created. If 50,000 is too much? Just shoot for a lower goal. Write a novella. Write a collection of short stories. The point is just to write, write, write. If you’ve been wanting to write a novel, now is the chance to just get it done.

Every year, I’ve watched others doing it and thought how fun/crazy/intense it seemed and well, I got jealous of the successful people. So, this year is my turn. I’ll probably be posting some sort of updates here. I’m working on my story outline now so lets hope everything goes according to plan!

So that’s just a bit of what I’ve been up to. I have no (current) Halloween plans other than watching scary movies with my best friend. Nothing too crazy this year. Everyone needs a chill Halloween every now and then. Last year I was in Houston and I went to a pretty popular are of town and it was like wall-to-wall people. Claustrophobic is an understatement to how it felt. So I’m kind of done with the bar scene (at least for this year). I do have a pretty badass idea for a costume I’m pretty bummed I won’t get to use.

October Favorites: Miscellaneous

Food:

(Sorry for the iphone photos!)

I got my mom obsessed with Trader Joe’s and so now we go a few times a week (it’s an addiction). While I’m not a huge fan of pumpkin everything like most people I enjoy these petite pumpkin pies. They are a perfect little serving. I imagine if you had guests over and served these they would be really impressed and not even know they were from the grocery store. I add a bit of whipped cream because what’s pumpkin pie without whipped cream? I recently went to buy more (addiction, remember?) and they were out of stock, so I’d suggest scooping these up if you see them. And if you love pumpkin, by all means get to Trader Joe’s ASAP!

Also from Traders are these dark chocolate marshmallows and graham crackers. I’m sure you can see where this is leading…s’mores. I just put my oven on warm, throw a marshmallow on half of a graham cracker until it is slightly melty and then smoosh it together. All the deliciousness without the campfire!

Clothes:

These dresses (both from Kohl’s!) are super flattering on my body type. They are more tight up top and then skim away from my problem areas — fall’s version of the skater dress. I tried to choose between these two dresses but the fun geometric print was one I couldn’t say no to and the subtle sweater-like details on the crimson dress just screamed fall! So both came home with me. I plan on rocking them with tights and boots. I have my eye on these feminine combat boots from Target and think they’d be another good fall addition to my wardrobe. I also picked up a mixed material pleather/army jacket and it’s a great fall layer for somewhere that’s a bit more on the chilly side in fall.

Speed round of favorites:

–I’ve been playing a fair amount of Tetris lately. An oldie but a goodie.

-Nude nail polish: More of a necessity (for job interviews) than a favorite, but it looks good with everything. This Essie color has been my go-to!

-I love Wes Anderson movies, so the new trailer for “The Grand Budapest Hotel” has made me excited for next year!

-Halloween candy. ‘Nuff said.

October Favorites: Music + TV

A lot of my day is spent in front of the computer. I am definitely not the kind of person who likes to be in a really, really quiet atmosphere when I am reading or writing or basically doing anything. I like having background noise. For that reason, I really love Spotify (plus, they have a web player now!). Most music shows up within a day or two of the regular album release. Plus, you can listen to an album and see if its worth the buzz around it. Here’s what I’ve been listening to lately.

Lorde “Pure Heroine” 

Lot of hype around 16-year-old Lorde. I had heard “Royals” on the radio, but honestly hadn’t really thought much about it. I decided to give the CD a shot one night and I’ve had it on repeat quite often since. Songs I’ve been into: “400 Lux” and “White Teeth Teens” often get the repeat button. But it’s a pretty solid album. 

Panic! At the Disco “Too Weird To Live, Too Rare To Die!”

P!atd is one of those bands that I listened to right after High School (them and Fall Out Boy) on repeat. But I hadn’t thought much about them since nor had I been keeping up with their new stuff. But then I heard “This is Gospel” which definitely still sounded true to their original sound (that I remember). A catchy song with an interesting video. Then I saw the “Girls/Girls/Boys” video, which is basically the lead singer, Brendon Urie, half naked. The song was so catchy I couldn’t get it out of my head. So I listened to the full CD and it’s a good quick listen of catchy pop alternative kind of music. Nothing too deep, but something that keeps you going.

John Mayer – “Paradise Valley”

My biggest problem with the John Mayer CD is the single choice was “Who You Love,” which is Mayer’s song with current-love Katy Perry. I personally think it is one of the weakest songs on the album. But the CD is quintessentially Mayer. A short interlude with Frank Ocean is too short, would have been more interested in a full duet with him instead of the one with Perry. My least favorite of the three albums listed, but still a good listen.

Honorable Mentions: Bastille “Bad Blood” (a suggestion from Spotify I’ve enjoyed), One Republics single “Counting Stars.”  

 

As far as fall TV is concerned, I honestly haven’t been interested in a lot of the sitcoms that have shown so far. Some of them are awkward (“The Michael J. Fox show”), some are too cliche (“Welcome To The Family”), and some are forgettable (“Dads”). The only couple I’ve found interesting have been:

“Brooklyn Nine-Nine” is a cop comedy. It’s mainly an ensemble show centered on Andy Samberg’s character Detective Jake Peralta. It is an engaging show that has laugh out loud moments (something I find quite rare for me personally). The characters are still developing and becoming less one-dimensional (although Peralta himself is still a bit undefined in my opinion). The gem of the cast is definitely Gina, played by Chelsea Peretti. She’s the lone civilian in the group and is the right mix of mean/funny/awkward. Her dance scene in episode 3 made me cackle. Definitely a show worth looking into and one I hope sticks around and continues to grow the characters. 

“Mom” is honestly a show I am still on the fence about. It’s from Chuck Lorre so it is borderline crude at times (Allison Janney’s character giving Anna Faris’s character a vibrator for one), but Anna Faris plays a loveable character. She’s a recovering alcoholic mother of two and a soon-to-be-grandmother as well. The teenage pregnancy did make me question wanting to watch more (tends to bring about predictable over-done storylines), but it hasn’t been the central focus so far and Faris’s comedic timing has kept me interested in more. I’m hoping it doesn’t go the route of “Two and Half Men” where all the characters are pretty shallow caricatures. 

 

Returning Shows I’m still watching:

“Parks and Recreation” is always delightful. The season is setting up the departure of Ann (you beautiful tropical fish), which has me hoping to see more airtime of some of the lesser used characters like Donna and Tom. 

“Bob’s Burgers” continues to be one of the best cartoons I’ve seen. The Halloween episode was especially delightful as Linda and Bob try to make the children a 5 headed dragon costume last minute, Tina commits to this being her last Halloween before she becomes a teenager and is too old for trick-or-treating, and Louise’s new “friend” gets them stuck in their cardboard box treehouse so they might miss out on trick-or-treating anyway. 

“The Voice” I’m not too proud to say that this is my one guilty pleasure reality show. I love the sob stories. I love seeing talented people get picked and sometimes I cry when people don’t get picked. Plus, now we’re moving on to the Battle rounds where the competition gets more interesting and I can really start to pick favorites. Although my biggest pet peeve as they really try to sell you on the fact that these are “blind” auditions where the judges can’t see the contestants, but most of the contestants are still really attractive. There were only a handful of less-than-beautiful people in the auditions. I get it’s still a TV show, but I think they are still trying to get people who are good looking a lot of the time and not just great voices.

 

Well, that’s the first part of my October Favorites. Stick around for part 2 later this week!

October: My love list for Fall

The best things about fall:

1)   Cool weather  = Warm drinks! The weather is crisp. You get to start drinking all sorts of warm beverages again. Like, I love coffee and drink it year round — but it’s so much better drinking a nice warm coffee on a cool fall day than it is when it is 90 degrees outside. I know lots of people go crazy for Pumpkin Spice Lattes but I personally am not a fan (I know, I am going to get my white girl card revoked). I am really not a big fan of any Holiday Starbucks drink…like Salted Caramel Mochas are ok and so are Peppermint Mochas, but most the time I don’t want something that sweet. So just regular brewed coffee at home is fine for me!

2)   The Fashion. You get to pull out sweaters and boots. The weather is crisp but not cold so you don’t need to completely bundle up. Lots of times a long sleeve shirt or a sweater is perfect. Perhaps I’ll elaborate on this in another post.

3) On that note, I love fall makeup. Darker colors. More neutrals. Less hot pink, more plum. Love!

4)   That thing where your car sits in the sun and you get in and it’s all toasty without you running the heat or anything. Hopefully someone else enjoys this as much as me.

5)   New TV. I love the end of September/early October. All the new shows roll out. It’s fun to guess which ones will stick around and which will fall into the one or two episode category, never to be seen again. I actually have mostly just been watching the shows I already like, but the one new comedy I’m enjoying is Brooklyn Nine-Nine. I am a huge Saturday Night Live fan, so pretty much any show with an SNL alum is something I’m going to watch. Andy Samberg is great in this show because he gets close to being over the top, but he never quite does it. The rest of the cast is really good too. I’m especially enjoying Gina (played by Chelsea Peretti). Most of the comedies I gravitate towards are ensemble type shows, such as Parks and Rec (and of course, Friends back in the day).  I’m hoping this show survives and is on for awhile (so far its on episode 3, so *crosses fingers*).

6)   Leaves! Last year I lived in Texas, and where I lived fall was pretty much nonexistent. The trees never really lost their leaves nor changed color. But here they are starting to turn that beautiful yellow-orange shade. Ah. Soon they will fall and get crispy and you can stomp on them for that satisfying crunch. Again, that can’t be just me, right?

6)   Halloween. I’ve loved Halloween forever. I love scary movies (The most recent scary movie I saw was The Conjuring, which was actually pretty good for paranormal genre movie). I love costumes. I love decorating. I love the pumpkin head dancing guy:

 

Honestly, nothing I could say now could top that.